by Carel Chan
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Years after Joseph was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers, there was a famine, and due to the famine, his brothers journeyed to Egypt to buy grains. That time, Joseph was appointed as Governor of all of Egypt, second to Pharoah. His brothers came to Joseph who supervised the selling of grain to all the people. Even though Joseph recognised hisbrothers, they didn’t. Joseph then did several unusual things to his brothers, putting them through various tests, probably to see if they had changed. After experiencing a few worrying and puzzling events, the brothers gathered and were speaking among themselves. They considered these weird and distressing situations that had occurred to them as a punishment because of what they did to Joseph long ago. The brothers had flashbacks of Joseph’s anguish and how he pleaded for his life, but they wouldn’t listen.
Reuben, the eldest of the brothers couldn’t help but at this instance retorted, “Didn’t I tell you not to sin against the boy? But you wouldn’t listen. And now we have to answer for his blood!” (Genesis 42:22). No doubt Reuben was against the idea of killing Joseph, his intention of not doing so wasn’t any purer. He had schemed to rescue Joseph with the aimto get his Father, Jacob’s favour.
“Didn’t I tell you, but you wouldn’t believe…”
“Didn’t I tell you, but you wouldn’t listen…”
“Didn’t I tell you, but you wouldn’t act on it…”
Habitually, amid many arguments we have, statements like these never fail to surface. Often, we want to have the ‘last say’ when making our point in an argument. The “Didn’t I tell you, but you wouldn’t…” statement is our way of jumping into an opportunity where we can emphasise that we are “more-right”. It is our way of self-defence, self-protection, and our inclination to play the blame game at the expense of others. It is our way to prove a point to elevate ourselves.
Regrettably, the “Didn’t I tell you, but you wouldn’t…” statement does not allow us to resolve our situation, rather it triggers a series of more heated arguments and fights. Our positions become worse off than where we started as we entered the whirlpool of trying to prove our points and refusal to listen to each other. Our sense of self-righteousness that drives our need to justify continues to surge as we debate on the situation. The mandate to “love one another” is forgotten, instead, we leap into the abyss of “I am right” and “you are wrong” contest.
We behave entirely opposite to how the Bible has commanded us to love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 say, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” The Bible teaches that love is not self-seeking, it is not about demanding our ways, rather love believes all things, it is looking for the best in each one, and remaining steadfast during difficult times. Love endures with patience and serenity. We are to resolve matters with calmness and an evenness of temper.
The Bible teaches that love is not self-seeking, it is not about demanding our ways, rather love believes all things, it is looking for the best in each one, and remaining steadfast during difficult times.
Instead of perceiving that we are “more-right” than the other person, which sometimes in reality we are, we need to communicate what went wrong in love and with love. Pause, yield to God any reasonings and thinking that do not exhibit His love. Revisit our intent of entering the initially well-intended conversation and take captive of every thought and reasoning that exalt self rather than obey God’s command to love. Ask the Lord to redirect our thinking and behaviours so that they are aligned to His Word. Let His Word from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 reframe the way we think of the person and situation and realign ourbehaviours, so that our character reflects God’s love, kindness, thoughtfulness, and patience to those whom we connect with and love.
For more inspirational messages on building Character that counts for God, visit our Sermon Series on “Christian Character”.