by Carel Chan
Favouritism in a family can lead to vehement hostility and regrets.
Isaac and Rebekah have a pair of twin sons – Esau and Jacob. Esau is the elder twin. He grew up becoming a skilful hunter and one who loved the outdoors. On the other hand, the younger brother, Jacob, had a quiet temperament, preferring to stay at home instead.
Research has shown that despite being twins, both babies can grow up having different temperaments and personalities. The human knowledge of science comes from God, for He is the creator of all things. We do not need science to tell us that no one is identical to a hundred percent.
Psalm 139:13-14 (HSCB) says, “For it was You who created my inward parts, You knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.”
Each of you are marked out and distinguishably set apart by God. No one person on this earth is exactly the same as you. And as parents, we must recognise and appreciate that our children are wonderfully created by God. We ought to love our children unconditionally and not lean our love for them according to our expectations and if they meet these expectations.
Genesis 25:28 (NLT), “Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home but Rebekah loved Jacob.”
There seems to be division in the love both parents had for their sons. Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home. While Rebekah favoured the quiet and even-tempered Jacob. “Because” Esau is able to meet the desires of Isaac, and fulfill his appetites and needs, Esau becomes his father’s favourite. “But” Rebekahgravitates towards Jacob’s personality type and prefers him to her elder son. As a consequence of the “Because” and “Buts”, favouritism perpetuates the family and becomes the cause that triggers the series of deceptive events that follow. Favouritism resulted from the “Because” and “Buts” has also caused a rift between the two brothers, sending them down the road of hatred and separation. Favouritism in a family can lead to vehement hostility and regrets.
Therefore, Paul in his letter to the Church at Ephesus, when addressing children-and-parent relationships, instructed us not to provoke our children to anger by the way we treat them (Ephesians 6:4). This means, parents do not exasperate your children with trivial or unreasonable demands, do not infuriate them with behaviours that are humiliating and abusive. Nor should we show favouritism or indifference to our children.
Rather, we ought to be bringing our children up tenderly and with lovingkindness in the discipline and instructions of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), recognising that each has their own uniqueness, marked, and set apart by God. Our responsibilities as parents are to instruct, develop and train our children in the ways of the Lord, giving them the space to unleash their talents and giftings so they can fulfill God’s purpose in their lives.
Parents, today, the Lord wants to realign your intentions and behaviours, to one that stems from love for Christ and for your children. If you have deviated from your godly intentions and calling as parents, it is time to set it right. It begins with your willingness to abandon your “Because”, and “Buts” and surrendering them to the Lord.
Visit our Sermon Series on “Remarkable Home Series” for more inspirational messages on building a Home that shines for God.